Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
