i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize