He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
