his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
