It's like God shit irony all over that family
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
