...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
