Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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