GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
