so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
