I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
