I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
