I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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