and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
