Church boner. Awkwardddd
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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