i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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