'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
