I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I want to fling myself into the sun
is it fun? or sober?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
