i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
it's like iHOP with fire
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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