Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I still have a little drunk in my system
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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