i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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