What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
