I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My vagina just recognized that song.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
