Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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