Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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