I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
