This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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