I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
