the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
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I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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