In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
where are you?
Hypothermia
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
