Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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