Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
