Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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