so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
