Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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