Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
