Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
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"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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