Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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