you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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