Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
