You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
