The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
