please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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