I accidentally had phone sex last night
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
