i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
