Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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