I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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