I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
