Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I met the friendliest cop last night
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
