i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
