he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
