Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
