I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
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You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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