I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
