my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
