He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
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I need moral support for this bender
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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