I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
