I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
