Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Randomize
