why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
