I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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