I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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