Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
All the doctor said was why
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
