Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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