You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
