I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
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Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
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I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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