Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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