like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
