i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
