Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
