you guys were way drunker than both of me
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
