I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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