I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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