I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
