i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
