Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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