somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
