Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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