I hate your face
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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