Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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