Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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