Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
