I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
