You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
