So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
