Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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