And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
